Bob
by trillion42
Summary: An odd Merthur fic in which there are stinkbugs and a little bit of fluff on the side. Modern AU.


Arthur walked into his boyfriend's house, not bothering to knock. Merlin never knocked; why should he? Anyways, he was excited for tonight. It wasn't as if they were going out or anything, just a quiet evening of cuddling, movie watching, kissing, and more cuddling (Arthur hoped that it would lead to a bit more, but, yeah, he was good with kissing and cuddling).

He smirked and straightened his hair before barging in on Merlin's room unannounced (again, why bother with knocking? That excuse "I could've been naked!" had stopped being an excuse with them as soon as they became an item). Just as he was about to make his grandiose entrance, a voice from the other side of the door caught his attention.

"Bob, stay away from me!" Merlin's voice squealed. Arthur's eyes widened. Was someone in there with his idiot?

"Bob, I'm warning you! Don't you – ahhhh! Don't touch me! Ahhhh, Bob, get off of me!"

Merlin squealed again and there was a thump. Arthur began to panic. Without thinking, he flung open the door, only to find Merlin on the floor scrambling away from something.

"Merlin!" he exclaimed, rushing to his side. "Are you alright?"

Merlin opened his mouth to answer, but something buzzing went whizzing past them. He squealed and jumped on top of Arthur.

"Merlin?" Arthur asked as he wrapped his arms around the younger man.

Merlin shook his head and yelled at a corner in the room. "Bob, get out of here!"

"You okay, babe?" Arthur felt his forehead, pretending to look for a fever while hiding his initial concern. Merlin was probably trying to psych him out or something. He decided to act flirty in return. "You don't feel hot. Hmmm…how many fingers am I holding up?" He held up three.

"Umm…forty-two," Merlin said sarcastically. "What did that prove?"

"That you're nuts. Screaming at walls, way over-counting my fingers. Only one cure."

Merlin sat up in Arthur's lap. "And what would that be?"

Arthur smirked and crashed his lips into Merlin's. After hearing a low groan come from his boyfriend, Arthur pulled back, making Merlin pout.

"Hey, don't stop."

"Nope, you're cured," Arthur responded playfully. "Too much medicine is a bad thing."

Merlin whacked him lightly on the arm. "You're no fun."

Arthur shrugged, suppressing his smirk. "Hmmm…well, you were screaming at the wall…"

Their lips met again, this time with more vigor and teeth clashed. Soon, Arthur was on top of Merlin, ready to start, ahem, _other things_ (yes, they both still had their clothes on, you perverts. I said they were _ready to start_), when something buzzing passed Arthur's ear, making him jump up with a yelp.

"What?" asked a bruised-lipped Merlin. He suddenly heard a buzzing in his ear and a small something hit the side of his head. He hit the bug away. "Ahhh, Bob! I said go away!"

Arthur's confusion increased when he realized it was a stinkbug Merlin was talking to. "You sure you're okay, babe?"

Merlin rolled his eyes as Bob the Stinkbug crawled towards the dresser. "When I was a kid, my mom told me to call stinkbugs Bob so they would be my friend and I wouldn't be afraid of them. It just kinda stuck over the years."

"So, you were yelling at a bug?"

"Yeah. Where'd you get the idea that I was talking to the wall? I'm not crazy."

Arthur snorted. "Says the man that talks to stinkbugs."

Merlin glared. "Just shut up and kiss me."

Arthur complied.

* * *

Meanwhile, Bob watched as the two young men rolled around on the floor, seeming to be sucking on each other's lips. Every once and a while, one would groan and they would press their lips harder against each other.

They pulled apart a little later and made strange noises with their mouths (Bob didn't understand what they were saying), and he saw them walk into another room. He followed.

The one with black hair shoved a shiny thingy into another thingy, then sat down on top of the blonde one. They made more sounds with their mouths, and then their head both turned to look at the moving picture box. After a while, it seemed they got bored, because they blonde one had started…well, Bob didn't how to describe it, except it looked like he was _nibbling_ on the dark-haired one neck.

Humans were so odd.

* * *

**A/N: Bob's right; humans are odd. Some humans are so odd, that they would post this without a second thought. **

**Please review! (or Bob will fly in your face!)**

**(Okay, you don't have to review, but Bob will still fly in your face!)**


End file.
